Once upon a time…
Once upon a time, long ago, there lived a handsome prince…(well okay, maybe not a ‘handsome’ prince, but on a good day, from the right angle, with backlighting, a solid 6/10 - maybe 7 if you’d had a drink or two).
But that’s not important. What is important is that this prince was under a terrible curse. A cruel fairy who had not been invited to his naming day gatecrashed the gig, and declared that when he grew up, he would prick his finger on a fountain pen, and fall into a terrible and unquenchable compulsion to write books.
The king and queen of that fair land wailed and despaired. They tried everything to stop this. They called wise counsellors from all corners of the kingdom to try and convince the young prince to consider other career options, such as plumbing, law, or animal husbandry. Anything practical…anything…to prevent him from becoming a shut-in hermit whose only friends were the characters he made up in his head.
Alas…it was not to be. The prince did indeed fulfil the curse, and on reaching adulthood, proceeded to produce novel after novel, with no heed or care to the cries of anguish around him, the lamentation of the kingdom, or his ever-dwindling social circle who were otherwise engaged going to clubs and doing fun shots.
But one day, while the exhausted prince, dressed in rags, lay exhausted by the empty fire-grate, amidst a sheaf of first and second drafts, bleary-eyed and ink-stained, a magical creature appeared. ‘I am your fairy GodAgent,’ it said. ‘And you shall be published!’
With nothing more than a flick of the Agent’s magical wand and a mere ten years or so hard graft of querying, revising and submitting, the prince was published, and lived happily ever after, spreading his books to all the world.
…or so he thought…
For the curse that had been laid on this author at birth was twofold. Yes, he would write books. Yes, people would like them, but…ahahah…he would also be forced to ‘Interact and Promote!’ (Dramatic Peal of Thunder)
So the author-prince sighed, and got to it.
He made an Instagram Account, where he posted many silly photographs and had many silly conversations, but also made many new friends, all living in the magical light-box of his computer like little genies of his very own.
He attended book talks and book signings, where he talked all alone to quiet rooms full of expectant faces, and tried (successfully) not to faint from anxiety.
He even, very recently, entered a magical and tangled forest called Twitter, which was full of dark and twisting paths, through which, armed only with his words and predilection towards babbling nonsense, he cut a steady path.
But both the evil fairy and the GodAgent were still unsatisfied. ‘There is one more thing you must do, if ever we are to leave you in peace,’ they told him. ‘You must write…a blog!’
The prince sighed a little, letting his weary head collapse onto his open laptop (where coincidentally his forehead spelled out several choice swear words on the screen). He tried a blog, and it was frankly…rubbish, and so it was left untended for years, with a thick wall of thorned roses growing up all around it.
But eventually, the prince decided that perhaps…just perhaps…the curse was a blessing after all. He very much enjoyed writing stories. He enjoyed seeing people talk about his books and reading them. He enjoyed the many conversations, both silly and serious that he had when readers and writers engaged with him. He was delighted that other creatives made their own art, or clothing, or bookmarks, based on his work. He saw people with tattoos quoting lines from his novels. He saw people cosplaying his characters for Halloween, and finally he realised…that being an author was not so lonely a profession as he once thought.
So he made this website. A place to find all of his things, and a place where he could talk to everyone whenever he desired.
and he hopes you like it.